First response:
Authors note: This response is focusing on word choice. It is also focusing on voice.
Death
It happens to everyone.
How?
Any which way God chooses our fate
What next?
Heaven. For most of us. When you were a little kid and someone asked you what heaven was you may have said something along the sorts of " Candy Land" or "A land filled with bunnies and puppies and kitties!" As we see in The Five People you Meet in Heaven, it is a place to understand your life on earth. To comprehend why this one thing happened, or why your friend did that to you.
Eddie's first stop in heaven is the board walk. he had grown up there, he worked there almost his entire life. For him that would be remembered as a happy place in his childhood, somewhere he would never forget. The first person he meets, the boardwalk is the blue mans home. Here he was taunted and stared at by people who payed to throw food at him and laugh.
Eddie's second stop is war. Someplace most soldiers try to forget. But this made a huge impact on his life, but for the worst. I understand why this is his heaven, but it would seem more like his living hell. There he lost the full use of his leg. He was shot. Not by his captor, not by the enemy. He was shot by his own true Captain. Betrayal.
In this book for every person Eddie meets there is a lesson. The first lesson, Ripple effect. Eddie ran out into the street to retrieve a baseball, the man who almost ran him down with his car had a heart attack out of nervousness, crashed and bled to death on the side of the road. The second lesson, Sacrifice. His war captain shot him in the leg, the he exploded.
I wonder who will be in my heaven? What lessons will I learn.
I could predict that my first stop in heaven would be my grandmother's house. To her I was special being the first girl born in her family (3 sons and first grandchild being a boy). To me she was my whole world. I would cry every time i had to leave her house after a long day of laughing and playing.
I liked this piece. I love how you connected it to the book by writing about who you think that you would meet in Heaven. I thought that was a really creative idea. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteI love your voice in this piece. You did a really good job with writing this piece. Good job
ReplyDeleteThis is an amazing piece. I like how you walked through what happened in the book. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThis was a great piece. You accomplished your goal of word choice, improving a lot from the last posts.. . This was a great post, I love how you reviewed the people and lessons broadly, and then stated where you think you could be. I think its nice that you would be at your grandma's house, but in the book, doesn't it seem to be a pattern of where people die, and he feels the guilt? In any case, you did a really nice job!
ReplyDeleteNice work, Kati! This was awesome! A few technical errors, but a lot of heart was in it. I could tell you were truly inspired. I liked how you brought a personal example into your response, too. The only thing I would change is to actually title the responses based on what they are about, and have more of a conclusion.
ReplyDeleteI like the way you took this in a direction of application to your real life. When you got to the point when you write about your grandmother, I really wanted more, to be able to read more of your thoughts there. On top of that, if you look back at the text, there are issues with how well the writing is being revised. Remember that the published work should reflect the best work you can do.
ReplyDeleteI loved your real life connections and vocabulary. Actually, I liked it so much that I wanted more out of your conclusion. It seemed like it ended without an ending. Besides that, great job!
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